Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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