I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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