Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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