So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize