i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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