Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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