my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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