my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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