i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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