i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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