I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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