Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize