In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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