Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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