ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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