My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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