So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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