Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Two words: blizzard sex
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pooping to opera.
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