I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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