i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize