my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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