i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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