You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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