drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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