i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
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THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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