he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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