Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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