Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize