JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize