i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize