That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize