Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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