So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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