Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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