There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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