who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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