Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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