it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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