just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize