I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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