i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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