I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just blew my weed a kiss
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize