Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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