When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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