i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize