Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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