guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize