There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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