why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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