i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize